Coping with anxiety ahead of Christmas

Speaker 1

Hi folks, welcome back to Zevotalks. I’m your host, Ann Leeson. Today we’ll be looking at Christmas and the mixed emotions that can surround it. Of course, Christmas can be a time for you.

Speaker 2

of joy for many of us, but it can also bring about a lot of

Speaker 1

difficulty and a lot of distressing experiences for many of us.

Speaker 2

Now, first things first, I think a really important place to start when we think about Christmas is the kind of expectations that we have for ourselves around a time of year like this. Now, look, if you watch any of the ads or the movies and all across media, you know, the general kind of push or the general sentiment will be joy.

Speaker 2

And if we look at that a little bit deeper and we think of our own kind of emotional experience around that, it’s important to understand that it might not be a reality for many of us. So, you know, for you to experience anything outside of joy, really the first thing is to allow it to be there and to understand that we might be putting that pressure on ourselves to feel this quote unquote joy around Christmas time.

Speaker 2

So, you know, any kind of narrative around it is about seeing people for the first time in a long time, bringing people together, feeling this overwhelming joy and, you know, being happy all the way throughout it.

Speaker 2

Whereas, you know, that might be the case and that’s okay. So to look at those kind of expectations that we are holding for ourselves around the Christmas period and especially those conversations, both, let’s say, internally and externally that we’re having around the shoulds.

Speaker 2

So I should be feeling better. I should not be bothered by what’s happening for me at the moment. I should be smiling all the time. I should be happy all the time. Whereas, really, you know, if we’re having the should conversations, it means that that’s not our reality at this point in time.

Speaker 2

And that’s perfectly fine, of course, but we could be putting that pressure on ourselves to feel happy and to be happy. And of course, if we’re in a position where we’re trying to force ourselves to feel something that we’re just not feeling, and we’re trying to force ourselves to be something that we’re not for whatever given reason, it’s a lot of effort.

Speaker 2

It’s a lot of exhaustion. It’s a lot of mental exhaustion, a lot of emotional exhaustion, and it’s tough for us to try and keep up this facade. And, you know, to bring it back to our own authentic experience, the best thing that we can do for our own emotional well-being and our own mental health is to tap into that authentic experience.

Speaker 2

So if you are somebody that puts these kind of high expectations on yourself, if you’re pushing yourself down these roads and saying, you know, I should be better, should have a smile on my face, and to go a little bit deeper there again, why aren’t I feeling like this?

Speaker 2

Because that can create a sense of that kind of fault or blame or shame being towards ourselves. Whereas, you know, realistically speaking, there can be a lot of different reasons why we may not feel full of joy and full of festive cheer and all the rest of it.

Speaker 2

So to start where we are and to move forward, I think, is the best idea around that. So just like in your own kind of personal reflective space, just to ask yourself that question, am I putting these expectations on myself?

Speaker 2

Am I asking too much of myself given my context, given my current story, given my current experience? And if you are, just to see, okay, can I kind of lighten that load a little bit? Do I have to be placing these expectations on myself?

Speaker 2

And if those expectations, let’s say, are coming from outside of us, is there an opportunity for us to create boundaries for ourselves around that? We’ll have a little talk about boundaries further on when we talk about different kind of aspects around the Christmas experience now.

Speaker 2

Another aspect of the Christmas experience that might be very familiar to a lot of us, especially now over the last two years, is the experience of social anxiety. So whether you are experiencing social anxiety around the impact or as a result of the impact of isolation through COVID and perhaps remote working and perhaps having a disconnect to your normal routine and the people around you, or if you have experience in a long-term sense of social anxiety,

Speaker 2

Christmas itself can be quite a difficult time and even quite a frightening time for us. If we are predicting that we’re gonna be in situations where we have to be sociable, we have to be entering into small talk, we have to be gathered with people, you know, that perhaps we know in varying degrees, perhaps there are people that we have deep, long-standing relationships with, or perhaps we will be in situations where we don’t quite know the people.

Speaker 2

So social anxiety, whatever the kind of source of it, whether it is from our experience of the last two years or whether it is something that you have been navigating for a long, long time, that can really bring about a lot of distress for us.

Speaker 2

And Christmas is that time where there tends to be those texts doing the rounds, or we really have to meet up, or we have to do our usual yearly catch-up or whatever kind of shape it takes. And what I would say around that is that you don’t need to push yourself into situations that make you very uncomfortable or that cause you to have that feeling of overwhelm or feeling of distress.

Speaker 2

Take your time. Remember that we are allowed to have boundaries and we need to be aware of our own limits. While there is the aspect of social anxiety where, you know, habituation within certain situations can help us to feel more familiar if something is causing you that distress and causing you that overwhelm.

Speaker 2

You know, think about it from that objective perspective, if you can. Is there a situation where I can kind of tailor it towards my own needs? I can tailor it towards my own capacity at the moment and do it.

Speaker 2

So don’t feel beholden to the kind of instruction or whims of others. Go right by what is good for you in that situation, okay? So that means some self-reflection and that means really answering and asking those questions as well.

Speaker 2

Is this good for me? Is there something that I can do around this to maintain a space that feels right for me? So go with yourself within that. Within Christmas as well, there can be a lot of experiences that would involve loneliness as well.

Speaker 2

And loneliness itself, it’s quite a difficult experience to manage and to maintain because it can become quite an internal process. You know, the feeling of loneliness is just that. It’s a personal feeling.

Speaker 2

It’s a subjective feeling. So it’s very different from, let’s say, isolation or solitude. Those tend to be that kind of objective experience being physically separated from people. And of course, isolation and solitude aren’t necessarily bad things.

Speaker 2

You know, we might be absolutely really geared towards a bit of solitude for ourselves. We might be kind of in need of that peace and quiet. But for loneliness, it tends to have a link or a connection to shame.

Speaker 2

So if you are feeling lonely, and of course, remember what I said around those expectations of being jolly and being festive and having that festive cheer, you are having that experience of loneliness.

Speaker 2

That compassion for yourself around that is going to be so huge because shame itself is such a powerful force. And shame is something that is quite, it can develop, it can grow. And shame is a different kind of situation to other kind of emotional experiences because shame is really, targets our internal process.

Speaker 2

So it tends to kind of lead us to have thought processes around. There must be something wrong with me. It can be isolating. So it can feel like it’s only us that has this experience. And loneliness and shame tends to tailor how we are perception around.

Speaker 2

situations both in the present and in the future as well. So if you’re dealing with loneliness, really try and think about having or trying to kind of create a practice around self-compassion. How would I treat somebody who I love, who I care for, who is in a situation like this?

Speaker 2

And knowing that we can get stuck in that shame piece as well. So compassion can be the antidote to that. So taking our time around that loneliness.

Speaker 3

The biggest and most exciting workplace wellbeing competition is returning. The Fittest Workplace Challenge 2022. The Fittest Workplace Challenge 2022 is a company versus company wellbeing challenge that pushes organisations to measure up against themselves to ensure they are not just improving the health and wellbeing of their employees but also creating fantastic engagement and keeping spirits high within their organisation.

Speaker 3

Hosted through our Zevo Health technology, we keep your employees connected and engaged while promoting positive wellbeing, no matter where in the world they are. Do you think your company has what it takes to be titled the Fittest Workplace 2022?

Speaker 3

If so, contact us today for more information. ZevoHealth.com

Speaker 2

You know, loneliness, it can be linked to another part of our experience around Christmas time, which can be grief. You know, often we can have different experiences around grief that will have happened around Christmas time.

Speaker 2

So there will be milestones, let’s say, that will be in our grieving process. We might be dealing with experiences around bereavement or separation. And Christmas itself, it might be a situation where we are reminded of, like I say, those milestones, or we might be reminded of times gone by.

Speaker 2

You know, it is a time of year that can cause us to feel quite reflective. So for those of you who are experiencing grief, just really be gentle with yourself around this. And to know that, like I said, around those expectations, you don’t have to put on a brave face.

Speaker 2

You don’t have to force yourself to be happy. What you need to do is to get in touch with your own story, your own context, what this time of year means for you. And to know that it can mean something very different other than that happiness, that jolliness, that cheer, all of that kind of stuff.

Speaker 2

And like I say, there is that reflective piece, especially because, you know, we might have a bit of time off. We might have more time on our own. We might have more time having shared experiences with people who would be sharing that grief with us perhaps.

Speaker 2

And so if you find yourself, let’s say, going into those quite emotional reflective spaces, go with it, you know, sit with it, allow yourself to move through it, and to allow yourself to provide those kind of self-care practices around this time as well, and not forcing yourself to feel any different than you are.

Speaker 2

So another aspect of Christmas, which can be very difficult, is different kinds of relational issues that we are dealing with. So whether that is your family of origin, your own family, your relationships, be it romantic or love relationships, or friendships that you are kind of managing in your life, perhaps you will be in situations where those dynamics will be forefront.

Speaker 2

You know, we tend to, let’s say, for example, with our family of origin, we tend to revert or regress back to old roles, old routines. So that can be a difficult thing for us if we are moving from that kind of adult space into that regressive space for ourselves.

Speaker 2

And of course, you know, it can be situations where we have that, what would you call it? You have that kind of loyalty towards keeping up traditions of perhaps seeing people that might not necessarily be very healthy for you, and you might be finding it difficult to share space with people that you have that kind of tumultuous relationship with, or you have that difficult relationship with.

Speaker 2

Boundaries are such a useful part of these kind of areas of Christmas that we may have to deal with. And putting yourself first within boundaries is the key within it, and it is the starting point within it.

Speaker 2

So maybe it might be an idea to give yourself time to reflect on what is coming up for you, what your experience has been of these situations to date, and how you can best take care of yourself by creating and cultivating boundaries within, let’s say, difficult relationships that you may have to be exposed to, or that you may have to navigate around the Christmas period.

Speaker 2

You know, you are fully entitled to boundaries. Your boundaries may not make sense to other people. That doesn’t matter. They’re your own boundaries, and your boundaries may not be taken in the best way by other people, but that does not mean that you don’t need to have them, or that you shouldn’t have them.

Speaker 2

Having that self-awareness of what you need and what is best for you going forward will help you to really create and maintain that perspective around boundaries as well. So get thinking now at the moment and in the run-up too to see what your needs are, and really to give yourself permission to have those boundaries is such a useful thing as well.

Speaker 2

You can tailor your time limits. You can tailor your space. You can tailor the kind of dialogue and conversation that you have around these emotional boundaries, and it’s so, so useful for you to have this time to reflect on it, to do it, and to keep that experience for future reference going forward to have those boundaries.

Speaker 2

Now. Christmas as well is a difficult time if we are struggling financially. So Christmas is a time where we are in a position where we have to spend a lot of money on presents. We have to get maybe the big present and then the middle end present and the small present.

Speaker 2

Maybe we’re asked out for dinner or drinks or coffees or whatever it is. So if you are in a difficult position financially, this is bound to cause a lot of stress for you. Again, boundaries don’t always have to be just focused solely on that kind of emotional piece.

Speaker 2

If you are in a position where you are having issues around finances and you’re finding it difficult to look towards all of these expenses and you need to create those boundaries around that, then you do whatever you need to do for yourself.

Speaker 2

Both people who are in your life and you have those meaningful, authentic relationships with and will understand that’s what matters. And for those people that don’t understand that’s something that is their issue, it’s not yours, you need to do what’s right for you within that situation.

Speaker 2

So if that’s something that’s causing stress, it can be good to have a conversation with a loved one or reaching out to a mental health professional and bringing all of these things in. And there’s something around the Christmas experience as well where we can have our own specific experience around it, but we might be also bypassing our own process by saying, but Christmas is happening to a lot of people for those people who celebrate it.

Speaker 2

It’s not just me that’s going through this situation. Sure, that’s true, but your feelings are valid, your experience is valid, and it’s so important that you allow yourself the time to acknowledge what your own context is, like I say, your own story and to look after yourself in the appropriate way.

Speaker 2

Now, alongside those kind of issues, I mentioned that can come up within the Christmas experience, you know, there can be a lot of pressure on time as well and our time spent with people, especially let’s say, like I’d mentioned around those difficult relationships that we may have to be exposed to or we may have to enter into.

Speaker 2

There’s a lot of experience around burnout this year, and there’s a lot of experience around lots of different kinds of exhaustion, emotional exhaustion, mental exhaustion. So perhaps your time is being taken elsewhere along with those kind of responsibilities or loyalties to see this person go out for drinks, go out for coffee, go out for dinners, whatever it is, and perhaps you’re feeling that stress or that anxiety around your time being stretched and you constantly being on autopilot and constantly kind of dancing to the tune of others.

Speaker 2

This is another place where you can have those boundaries, taking time for yourself to spend time as you see fit. And I say that in kind of a pointed way because this can be a situation where you take time and you don’t have to explain to anybody what you’re using your time for, you can spend time doing nothing because our time doesn’t always have to be productive.

Speaker 2

Our break time can be just that, a break. So if you are in that situation where you feel like you’re running from pillar to post and you’re catching yourself coming back, as they say, and you’re finding that the kind of process of this is causing that stress, causing that anxiety, see where you can carve out some time for yourself and take that time without any kind of guilt, without any kind of explanation or justification or any time like that,

Speaker 2

allow yourself that space. You know, we often have conversations in the world of Christmas around, so it’d be great to have the time off and it’d be great to finally stop and take rest. But often for a lot of us, Christmas can be even more busy then the rest of the year.

Speaker 2

So if you’re taking that kind of viewpoint to, okay, well, I just need to do this and I just need to do that, it’s going to have an impact on you, physically, mentally, and emotionally. So really allow yourself to take that time.

Speaker 2

Now, all roads lead to COVID and all conversations lead to COVID. So it is a big thing to mention around the Christmas experience for us. You know, sure we have experience of having a COVID Christmas because we had one last year, but our experience can be impacted by the cumulative effect of the exhaustion, of the stress, of the anxiety, of the loneliness, of everything that comes from living with COVID.

Speaker 2

Whether you’re somebody who is dealing with health issues and you have health anxiety, or you’re dealing with bereavement, or you’re dealing with separation, please, please bring in that compassion for yourself.

Speaker 2

Do whatever you need to do to allow yourself to feel safe and to feel comfortable. So if you are in that position where you feel that social anxiety about connecting with other people and it’s causing you to feel that overwhelm, take yourself back, see how you can tailor the experience for it to make more sense for you.

Speaker 2

If you’re feeling that loneliness, see if there is a safe and appropriate way for you to reach out to other people. Really, that self-awareness of what you need now, given your own context, given your own situation, and given your own needs around this Christmas time.

Speaker 2

We’re gonna try and stay away from those expectations around the cheer, the jolliness, all of that happiness and saying, okay, given my current situation, given my current experience, given my current needs, what do I need now?

Speaker 2

And how can I best take care of myself? So if you are having a different experience, then what we see in the ads, what we see in the movies, the best thing you can do is to acknowledge it. If you’re putting pressure on yourself to kind of up the ante and be happy and be jolly, just taking your current experience as your starting point and putting in place that self-care, that kind of support system,

Speaker 2

that care system to look after yourself. So whether that is that space to reflect and then going forward, creating those emotional boundaries or connection with a loved one, do whatever it is that is right and healthy and good for you.

Speaker 2

And finally, just to note as well that for a lot of people, Christmas time can mean that the added stress, the intensity of the experience can result in a risk to their wellbeing and potentially an unsafe environment.

Speaker 2

So if you are in this particular position or if you know of somebody that has had or is having this type of experience where they’re subject to any kind of volatile environment, abuse, violence, we’ll be adding some useful contact details in the podcast notes.

Speaker 2

So please, please reach out if you can to get the support that you need. Thank you so much for listening to another episode of Zevo Talks. We hope that you enjoy your Christmas and most importantly, take care of yourself, whatever your experience is.

Speaker 2

And we look forward to welcoming you back in the new year. Take care, folks.