All the Feels: Christmas Triggers and How to Manage Them

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Hello there, and welcome to this week’s episode of Zevotalks. My name is Sean Farrell, I’m a psychologist and well-being specialist with Zevo Health. And today we’re gonna be talking about the very important topic, which is managing triggers at Christmas or over the festive period.

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So what I’m gonna do on today’s episode is talk through some of the main triggers you might experience around this period, like family conflict or pressure to drink alcohol, financial pressures, and then we’ll talk about as well some of the key things to help manage these triggers and to help get us through this period, hopefully feeling well, maybe feeling a little bit less stressed or anxious than we maybe normally would or we might be feeling at the moment.

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So the first thing I would suggest to do is to just have a think about a few triggers that come to mind for you over this period, this festive period, and just notice what are the things that are coming up for you that maybe would cause you a bit of discomfort or a bit of stress or pressure over this period.

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So you can pause the recording here if you like and just take a couple of minutes to jot down a few things that come to mind. It might also be helpful while you’re doing this to just notice when you’re thinking about those triggers, what are the kind of thoughts that are running through your mind, maybe things like I’m feeling under pressure, I’m feeling stressed about this, maybe what your emotions are feeling like.

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So you might notice you’re feeling anxious or no or sad or excited as well, you might get a range of different emotions. And also maybe when you think about these triggers, how is that impacting on your behavior or how you want to behave?

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So is it making you feel maybe more avoidant or more withdrawn? Is it making you feel under pressure to maybe do things that you don’t necessarily want to do? So this exercise of paying attention to what our triggers are, our thoughts, our emotions, our behaviors, it’s really helpful just as a starting point for figuring out how is this making me feel?

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How is this stressor which is managing these triggers at Christmas impacting my thoughts, my emotions, my behaviors, and then maybe using that as a way to think about how we can do things slightly differently, maybe how we can behave slightly differently, maybe how we can shift some of those thoughts.

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And then we’ll use the tips that I’m gonna introduce in today’s podcast to help me able to, I suppose, manage those thoughts, emotions and behaviors. And as I said earlier, hopefully mean that this is a less stressful period for you if it is something that you tend to find a bit more stressful or anxiety provoking.

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So the first trigger I’m going to touch on is one that we all are familiar with. And this is family conflict or kind of family discomfort or situations, I guess, which we may notice that we feel a little bit unculturable in a rain family over the Christmas period.

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And look, this is a time where there can be, I suppose, different aspects to this. For some of us, it might be that we are away from our family members and we’re feeling maybe a bit more isolated or lonely.

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So that might be if we’re originally from a different country, we’ve moved somewhere for work and we don’t have our family around us. For other people, we may have lost family members and that might mean this time of year is also difficult because of that loss and because we are missing people from our lives that aren’t here anymore.

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And that can obviously be really challenging, especially when we maybe see other people surrounded by family members. And then on the other side of things, we have the people, you know, people when we spend time with family members, sometimes there can be conflict when it comes to different personalities, different opinions, different points of view.

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And so all of these different family dynamics can bring their own, I suppose, difficulties and triggers over the Christmas period. So as I said, it will depend on the dynamic that we have. If we’re someone who’s maybe feeling more isolated over the Christmas period or over the festive period or away from our family members, or if we’ve maybe had a loss over that period, it’s really important that we make sure we are surrounded by,

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you know, people who bring us a sense of happiness and joy, making sure that we’re maybe doing things for ourselves that might be getting out and spending time with people or being on scene calls with people, just making sure we’re doing things that make us feel less lonely and less isolated.

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because we know isolation is one of the huge things that can negatively impact on our mental health and make us feel low and make us feel down. So trying to get that social connection from other places will be really important over this period and just making sure that we look after ourselves.

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If we’re going through loss it might be that we’re you know hooking up with bereavement services if that’s something we find helpful or maybe again just removing ourselves from the festivities if that’s what feels the most helpful at that time, spending time with people who really know us who care about us and doing things that we really enjoy that’s going to be super important over this period.

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If it comes to more family conflict or that kind of pressure to spend time with family members that’s a slightly different trigger over the festive period. It can be a period where there is that pressure to really spend time with a lot of people with family and friends with extended family members and for some people that might be really enjoyable.

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We might love seeing people that we haven’t seen all year. We might really enjoy socializing and that’s great but for other people this might feel a little bit more difficult. We might feel awkward in those situations.

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We may be someone who experiences social anxiety or general anxiety and we might start to feel a bit overwhelmed under that pressure of having to spend time with lots of different people over this period and that’s a totally understandable way to feel.

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It can be a lot for us to manage and that pressure and expectation can be a little bit overwhelming as well. The other side of that is depending on family members you know we might have different viewpoints we might have different perspectives on things.

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We all can think back to a time over Christmas when there’s been family arguments or tensions around the table and again that can bring discomfort to us as well and that can make us feel a little bit overwhelmed or a little bit stressed.

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So just paying attention to I suppose what the triggers are for you around family over Christmas and noticing again going back to your thoughts, your emotions, your behaviours in that situation. The key thing for managing this trigger I would say is boundaries.

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Now we’re going to come back and discuss boundaries a little bit later in the podcast because actually boundaries are going to apply for managing all of the different triggers that we have but just remember at this stage yes of course over this period we are probably going to see more people than usual and we might be taking into consideration other people’s needs like our family members but our needs are important too and it is okay to manage the amount of time you spend with other people.

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It is okay to maybe say no to certain events or at least have a time frame on how long you’re going to be attending these things because you know you’re important too so definitely something to take into consideration for managing that trigger around family conflict or discomfort but we will come back to boundaries later in the podcast and explore a little bit more some tips around setting boundaries for that and for all of the triggers that we’re going to be discussing today.

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Another trigger that is common for people over this period is the kind of general idea of socialising and alcohol consumption. So again socialising for some of us we might be really excited for that and some people love that run up to Christmas where there’s lots of parties and time spent with people that they hopefully like and they enjoy that whereas again for other people they might struggle with the socialising aspect of it.

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It might be a lot but also for most of us by the time you know we maybe get to the end of December there might have been a lot of socialising happening and that can be overwhelming for anyone or just a little bit difficult to manage sometimes.

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Aside to that, and I suppose alongside that even, is the pressure to consume alcohol in these social situations. Again, we all have different opinions on alcohol, we all have different experiences with that, but it’s definitely a time of the year where there is more pressure for us to consume alcohol.

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And I know particularly in Ireland anyway, a lot of social events can be very alcohol focused. So the focus can be on, you know, drinking alcohol, consuming alcohol, and that can be very difficult for people.

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We know in general that long term effects of drinking alcohol and the short term effects, we can feel, you know, very unwell the next day, it impacts our ability to concentrate, it impacts our ability to decision make, it could take days away from us if we’re feeling unwell the next day.

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And also we know it can make us feel anxious and it is also linked to things like low mood and depression. So alcohol consumption in general can have quite a negative impact on how we feel. And if we’re consuming a lot of alcohol again, this can impact how we feel in a very negative way.

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Though over this period, if there is a lot of alcohol consumed or that pressure to consume alcohol, that might be a trigger for us and that might be something that we struggle with. And also then, you know, there’s that general pressure, as I mentioned, to socialize, to spend a lot of time with other people, which some people enjoy and some people find a little bit overwhelming if they’re maybe a bit more socially anxious or just generally more introverted.

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We might find that idea of having to engage in a lot of socializing heart. So just again for yourself, notice what your thoughts and emotions are around alcohol over this period. Notice for yourself maybe how alcohol usually affects you.

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If you do engage in more alcohol consumption than you generally would, if you’re feeling a bit more under pressure to consume alcohol, just be aware of that for yourself. Again, boundaries are going to be important here and we’ll come back to discussing that.

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But some helpful things generally for alcohol consumption over this period would be to, first of all, decide for yourself on alcohol-free days. It’s really helpful to have days where we don’t consume alcohol over this period or definitely days where we can see much less alcohol.

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And if you have those days in place for yourself, it can be easier to stick to that then. If you know the specific days that you’re going to have alcohol-free days, that can be a little bit easier to stick to.

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When going to events, an idea might be to drive. So if you’re driving, obviously you can be the designated driver. You can potentially give other people lips and that helps to make it easier for you not to consume alcohol and maybe less social pressure there as well if you’re driving and maybe bringing people home.

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Also, it can be good to have a drink in your hand. So having, you know, a tonic water or a soda water and just having it in your hand there. So you still have that kind of effect as if you were drinking alcohol even when you’re not.

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And again, you might also get less pressure from people if they see you have a drink in your hand rather than feeding that pressure to be drinking alcohol and that’s something you want to do. And also just remembering that you don’t need to do something just because everyone else wants you to do it.

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I know again with alcohol in particular, there can be that pressure from friends and family members to drink, but you are perfectly entitled to say no, you’re perfectly entitled to not drink alcohol and to have that boundary in place for yourself.

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That is totally and completely up to you and you absolutely do not have to drink alcohol because anybody else wants you to. But I do realize there can be more pressure over this period. So thinking about some of those tips around alcohol free days, driving to events and maybe, you know, drinking other beverages and stuff like that, that can be a helpful way to manage that trigger when it comes to socializing and alcohol over the Christmas period.

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And also the socializing in general, we’re going to come back to boundaries here. But again, it’s OK for you to say no to some things, it’s OK for you to put a time limit on things just so you can make sure to keep your energy levels up and keep yourself feeling well.

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Another trigger over this period that could be common for people is around food. So obviously this time of year, the festive period, it’s a period where, you know, food is very much at the center of that or can be at the center of that with friends and family, whether that’s going out for nice meals or having our lovely Christmas dinners or our leftovers the next day.

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And again, for lots of people, this is great. We really enjoy it. We get to connect with people. We get to eat lovely food. But for other people with things like eating disorders or disordered eating, this can be a particularly hard time of the year.

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There might be a lot of pressure around food, whether it ought to eat more food or eat less food. There might be a lot of pressure from kind of dieting and diet culture to look a certain way or stay slim or to not gain weight.

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And for people who have a difficult relationship with food, this is really challenging and can be really, really distressing around this time of year. So just to be aware, I suppose for yourself, if that’s something that’s difficult for you, there is support out there from services like BodyWise, but also for us to be aware that actually maybe not commenting on other people’s food intake and maybe not commenting on other people’s bodies over this period can be more helpful so that we’re not causing anyone else to be in distress.

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Using food as a way to connect and enjoy ourselves is great and it can be a really nice thing to do. But just being mindful of not putting pressure on anyone else for how much food they are eating, not commenting on how somebody looks, that’s gonna be really helpful for you and for other people just to be able to manage this trigger.

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Also, as I mentioned, if it’s something that’s affecting you, there is helpful support from services like BodyWise. And again, with boundaries, it might also be helpful to have conversations with trusted people around how you’re feeling, if you’re feeling overwhelmed and maybe just putting that boundary in place or not commenting on what you’re eating, not trying to force you to eat more, eat less,

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maybe not commenting on your body or how you look and setting those boundaries for ourselves around this time can be a helpful way to manage those trigger, the right food and the right eating. So we’ve gone through a few triggers there already and it might be a helpful time again to just pause.

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Think about if any of these things have resonated with you, whether that’s the family conflict or dynamics, whether that’s the socializing, the alcohol or the food and just notice if any of these triggers do feel like they resonate with you, how is that impacting your thoughts, your emotions?

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How is it making you want to act over this period? Just to be mindful of that so we can start to bring attention to those things. And also then when we think about the tips that I’ve already introduced and something I’m gonna introduce in a couple of minutes, which areas they’re targeting.

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So maybe those tips are helping us with our behaviors, maybe they’re helping us with our thoughts or our emotions and that can be a helpful way to think about this and a helpful way to implement some of those different tips that we talked about.

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And just a reminder there so far, we’ve talked about setting those boundaries, which we’ll go into further detail about also, having those alcohol free days where possible and then maybe making sure that you have support if there is something in particular you’re struggling with, whether that’s food related, whether that’s loneliness or isolation.

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Again, with any of these things, particularly if we’re feeding distress around the festive period or distress around any of these triggers, getting support from a mental health professional can be really, really helpful.

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So that’s gonna be a general tip for anything that we talk about here, having support from a mental health professional is always gonna be helpful.

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Speaker 1

Okay, so another trigger I wanted to mention here, and this is a huge one for lots of people, is financial pressures. So look, it’s a time of year that is very expensive for a lot of people. For most of us, there is pressure to buy presents, to go for meals, to buy nice food, to do activities.

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You know, your kids might be off school, you might be having family and friends around, and there’s pressure then to provide for all of those people as well. And this is, you know, the reality is that happens for a lot of people year in and year out.

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And you know, it’s okay to have times of the year where maybe we do spend a little bit more money. But really the key thing here is there can be pressure on us to spend a lot of money to demonstrate that we care.

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But actually, there are lots of ways to show people that we care about them, which really have nothing to do with finances. And it’s important to remember that, you know, more often than not, people will forget about their Christmas gifts and people will move on to the next year having nearly forgotten all of the gifts that they’ve been given.

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And that’s not to say that your gifts are not appreciated. But it’s just a reminder that, you know, getting into debt to try and show you care is not necessarily going to be as appreciated by other people maybe as we think, given that, you know, it’s a time of year where everybody is feeding under pressure, but also it’s not showing any care to yourself.

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So if you are getting into a huge amount of debt to try to show that you care for others, you are discounting yourself and the stress and stress that that is going to cause you. And again, just a reminder, you are important too.

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And it’s okay to not get into debt in order to buy presents and go for meals and buy foods. It’s more than okay, it’s very reasonable to not do that. And I know there’s a lot of pressure and of course, that’s important to take into consideration.

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You know, we want to be able to maybe give to people during this period. And that’s really, really noble and admirable thing to want to do. But just remember, there are lots of different ways that we can show we care.

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There’s lots of different ways that we can give to people over this period. And maybe it’s about trying to be a little bit creative or trying to think about the ways that we can show we care without getting ourselves into a huge amount of debt and then maybe feeling stressed for the next couple of months or even the next year, depending on our situation and our circumstances.

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So my tips here, and look, I’m not a specialist in financial support, but my general tips here would be mark out a budget, do up a budget and stick to what you can afford. So base your presents and your meals and stuff on that budget as much as you possibly can.

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Things like Secret Santa can be helpful. So instead of buying a present for 10 people, maybe everybody gets a present for one person that can be helpful. And you know, appreciated often by other people as well, because as mentioned, we’re all, a lot of us are under financial strain during this time.

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Again, with the socializing and the nights out, coming back to your boundaries there. So those financial boundaries, you know, these are the things that I can afford to do. So what are the things that I maybe most want to do during this period?

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Also, as I mentioned, they’re giving in other ways. Some people like to maybe volunteer in a homeless shelter or it might be giving through your words, it might be giving through something more creative when it comes to a gift, things like that.

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So just thinking about the different ways that you can show you care that maybe don’t put that financial pressure on you and remembering it’s okay to have those boundaries when it comes to your finances and it’s okay to not overspend and then get yourself into, you know, debt the following year.

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So just something to bear in mind, but I do realize it is a more expensive time of the year for a lot of us and we also have to be realistic. But starting with the budget can be a really helpful way to manage that stress and those triggers around finances over this period.

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Okay, so as I mentioned earlier, we’ve gone through already I suppose a lot of tips to manage each of these different triggers, but I mentioned earlier that boundaries are sort of key for all of these things.

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And depending on who we are as a person, our experiences in life, we may be better or worse than other people at setting boundaries. For a lot of us setting boundaries can be really difficult, particularly if we’re more of a people pleaser.

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And I guess the key traits of a people pleaser are things like feeling like you need to put other people first all the time, feeling like you need to do things to keep other people happy, feeling like people might be annoyed at you or disappointed in you if you don’t meet their needs.

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But often what that means is that your own needs are not necessarily being meshed. Now sometimes we will of course do things for other people and that’s okay. Particularly over this period there might be times when we have to spend time with the in-laws or spend time with family members and that’s okay.

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I’m not, I’m by no means saying that we should just say no to everything and totally only do what we want to do which if you want you can do that but for most of us we I guess appreciate or feel that the need to at least kind of take other people’s feelings into consideration over this period and that’s totally okay and reasonable for us to do but it’s also reasonable for us to have some things in place to make sure that we also feel looked after.

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So setting a boundary is basically just putting some things in place to make sure that you also have your needs met over this period. So my advice would be to take a few minutes and again you can pause the the podcast here and write down if it was an ideal Christmas for you what would that look like?

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So if this was to be your perfect Christmas period or your perfect festive period what would that look like to you? This doesn’t need to be what you’re actually doing it might just be if you were to imagine what that would look like right down.

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So as I said you can pause here and take a couple of minutes to do that. This exercise will help you to see actually what are my needs and what are my wants and then you can think about in comparison to that what is your Christmas actually looking like?

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Maybe you’ll be pleasantly surprised maybe your Christmas looks very much like what you wanted to or maybe you’ll notice that you’re actually doing a lot of things for other people or a lot of things that maybe are not things that you want to do or maybe are not things that are beating your needs.

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And again I’m not saying you need to then cancel all of your plans or say no to everything you have on but at least try to make sure you fit in some of the things that make Christmas or this period ideal for you.

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Whether that’s getting some rest, going out for walks, spending time with the people you really love, watching some Christmas films, whatever that might be, try to make sure you at least have time to do those things for yourself.

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So literally setting aside time during this period for your needs. Often we’ll make a plan and we’ll pop in our calendar you know night out with this person, dinner with that person, lunch with this person but we can also use our calendars to schedule time for ourselves and if somebody says hey are you free on Thursday at this time you can say no because you have a plan for yourself.

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You don’t need to have something else going on to say no. It is okay and perfectly reasonable to just set time aside for rest or things that you just want to do for yourself. So just doing that will mean that we have more time to look after ourselves, we’ll probably be more refreshed and rejuvenated when we’re maybe heading back to work in the new year.

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So again you don’t need to cancel your plans or engagements but maybe just keeping them to a manageable time and keeping them to a manageable amount. It’s okay if you’re not able to do everything and you are allowed to not do something because you would rather rest or do something different on that day.

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So just bear in mind that that’s perfectly reasonable, that boundaries are actually healthy and that you know often we maybe assume the worst case scenario that if we put a boundary in place we’ll get a bad reaction.

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A lot of the time we don’t necessarily get a bad reaction sometimes in fact people might be even happy for you to cancel plans or to time them your plans but even if somebody does react badly that doesn’t mean that you’re doing the wrong thing.

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Sometimes people might be disappointed that you can’t attend something or you’re leaving early or you’re not drinking alcohol but that doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. It just means that they’re disappointed and that’s okay.

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You’re probably a great person who people want to have arranged but it’s also all right for you to not be able to be free and around all the time. Again other examples of boundaries are those alcohol free days that you might want to set, things like a range food you might want to set those boundaries about maybe dialogue or comments on that and again those financial boundaries are really important too.

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Because remember, boundaries are not always about them, boundaries are not always about setting with other people. Sometimes boundaries are important for us to set with ourselves. So what is my boundary when it comes to finances?

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What is my boundary when it comes to, you know, how much I socialize or my energy levels? And really sticking to that self-boundary too can be super important. So again, if you want to, you can pause the podcast here and take a couple of minutes to jot down some boundaries that you would like to put in place or would be helpful for you to have over this period.

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That would make it a good and enjoyable period for you and a period that maybe is less stressful or less overwhelming than you might be feeling at the moment. So take some time to jot that down. You may not end up putting all of those boundaries in place, but it’s still a good exercise to write down the ideal ones and then try to implement some of those where you have.

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Some other general tips for staying well over this period would be that my first general tip is trying to spend time outside even where you can. We are in time of year where more people are prone to things like seasonal affective disorder or SAD, and that is a form of depression that we get from the winter months from having less exposure to daylight.

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So being outside during the day in the light can be a really good way to boost your mood, to improve your mental health, especially if we can spending time in nature in green spaces. Generally, we know there’s a huge benefit to exercise, but there’s an added benefit to spending time in nature.

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So if you spend time outside in nature, this is going to be hugely positively impactful for your mental health. And it might be an idea that you suggest a social activity outside. So maybe instead of going to the pub, you might go for a hike or a walk, a swim if you’re brave enough to dip in by your seat, but I can’t say I overly recommend that at this time of year.

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But just remember that being outside is really good for your mental health and just can add enjoyment and more positive experience at this time. So it doesn’t need to be all day. It doesn’t even need to be intense of exercise.

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Just spending that time in nature is going to be helpful for you. And then the other thing and final thing I’ll say is just around having a routine. Again, if we’re some of these struggles with low mood or seasonal affective disorder, sometimes when we have a change to our routine or a reduction in a routine, this can negatively impact our mental health.

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So look, we don’t need to have the exact same routine as we would have in work. Worse not, we’re not going to be getting up super early every day or anything like that. But just having a bit of a general routine in place or maintaining a routine can be really helpful for managing or staying well over this period.

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But it might just be having a rough bedtime, a wake up time, making sure you get your meals in during the day, having your shower in the morning, making your bed, having a walk, whatever it is. Just giving yourself a sense of routine because often there’s a few days over Christmas where none of us even know what day it is or what time of the year it is.

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But having a little bit of a routine can just help us to stay well, help our mental health to stay well as well or help us to feel better. We’re struggling with things like low wound or seasonal affective disorder or whatever it is.

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So plenty there to be getting on with when it comes to those triggers over Christmas and how we can manage those. I hope some of those were helpful for you to think about over the next couple of weeks.

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And I hope you enjoyed listening along to the episode today. Take care, everyone. And it was lovely to be here with you today. I’ve been Shauna and I’m wishing you all a very lovely couple of months ahead.