How to achieve a healthy mind for a healthy life with Kelley Walsh Connor

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What’s going to make me feel good about myself? What is it exactly that I want to do? What are the behaviours that I would have to change in order to get there? And if that feels too much, then it probably is too much.

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You know, and strip it back and just take small baby steps every day and you know, taking things back and taking things slower doesn’t give you instant gratification. But if you stick with it and you’re consistent, you will suddenly, it will suddenly become your way of life.

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And that’s when you’ll get the gratification out. Welcome back to Zevo Talks. I’m your host, Michelle. Today we are joined by Kelly Walsh Connick, a business owner, personal trainer, life coach, accountability and performance coach.

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Kelly has been a personal trainer for over 15 years and with a strong attitude, promoting a healthy lifestyle and extremely passionate about mental health. Thank you very much for joining us today, Kelly.

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You’re very welcome. Great to see you. Can we just start off by telling us a bit about yourself? So you did a lovely introduction there. So thank you for that, Michelle. So my name is Kelly and I’ve been a personal trainer for the past 15 years.

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I’m a mother of two children, so Jackson, who’s four and Cole, who’s just one and a half, a lockdown baby. And I have basically been passionate about health and fitness for my entire life. So I started actually at a really young age and my dad was a professional boxer and he was a marathon runner.

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And so for me, watching him when I was growing up, I was always so fascinated that the fact that he could skip. So he used to like when he stopped boxing, he would go for runs on a Sunday morning and I used to run downstairs because I could hear the skipping rope and watching skipping.

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I just thought that this was the most amazing thing. And so I think my love of exercise kind of came from him. You know, as I got a little bit older, I started to go out and when he’d go on a run. and I would cycle when I was old enough to do that.

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That’s kind of where my love of exercise came from. And, you know, I was always really proud that my dad could run marathons and that he was a boxer and all of that type of stuff. So later on then into my teenage years, I never really was into sport or anything like that because I’m not a very competitive person.

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And I was actually really shy when I was a kid. So I never joined any teams or anything. But later on into my teenage years was obviously in the eighties and my dad was mad into going to aerobics classes.

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So me and him used to go to aerobics class together. absolutely hilarious because it was like when Mr Motivator was out and I was like my dad would be always short and wearing all this aluminous stuff and I’d be like oh my god it’s so burst we can’t go.

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So we used to do that together and it was like I guess back in those days it was such an odd thing for a father in Georgia too but I absolutely loved it. So yeah my definite love for exercise came from him and it was only probably later on in my life that I realized how exercise actually affected me and my mental health.

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So unfortunately my dad passed away 15 years ago and he had motor neurons disease and it was probably you know in into my 20s I kind of stopped my love of exercise when I found the pubs and nightclubs and things like that and I kind of tapered off a little bit and after his passing I actually got really back into exercise and I found it like an amazing way to deal with my grief and so I was actually living in Australia at the time and obviously exercise over there is huge and I think it’s probably because most of the time people are in bikinis but anyway with the nice weather but yeah exercise was just became another big part of my life and it was just really how I managed my grief.

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So at that time I was actually working in IT and I was the worst IT person in the world because I was one of those people that you’re just like have you tried to reboot it? But it wasn’t my passion like at all and it was just something that everybody was doing when they left school so I decided to do it as well.

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So I remember after my dad died and I got some you know into exercise again I just kind of thought to myself do you know what I feel like I want other people to use exercise as a way to deal with not just grief but any type of like anxiety or whatever because it really made me feel so much better about myself and it was that hour of the day that I didn’t have to think about how sad I was and then obviously the effect.

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the exercise after you’ve you’ve done it you know the endorphins that you get or whatever so it really really helped me and I wanted to be able to help other people. So I decided to leave my IT job and pursue a career in the fitness industry which was like a huge deal at the time because I had just bought my first home and in the boom so you can imagine what that cost and I’d gone from this like really high paid job to like a really low paying job.

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So I kind of just had this passion and this fire in my belly that I wanted to be able to help people and yeah so I started out in the fitness industry yeah 15 years ago so I worked in a really small gym at the time and it was like a gym that did lots of like aerobics and stepper aerobics and all the real old-school stuff and I just loved this and I later on then became person trainer so I was a fitness instructor first and then I became a personal trainer and for about two full years I actually trained people for free because I wanted to build up my credibility as a personal trainer and I wanted to be able to prove I guess my worth I probably didn’t have to do for that long.

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I have this free person training but for me it was always about helping people and even though I obviously needed to earn money as well never about that you know for me it was getting results and helping people and my brother actually was my first my first client and he had gone through a really difficult time and he gained a lot of weight so he kind of came to me and said you know I want to be able to run and so he was my first client and I used to meet him three times a week and it was great in the beginning you know when somebody sets out on a journey like that they’re very highly motivated in the beginning and then they realized oh god this is hard and we used to have murder I used to be knocking on the door come on go to our training session or whatever but and it was great for me and it built up like a really good strong portfolio and of different clients and different experiences because obviously people train for different reasons so I really enjoyed it so then I started my personal training business after that and thankfully it just went from strength to strength and a couple years ago about seven years ago now and I opened up my own gym and that was a huge huge achievement obviously and but owning your own business then obviously comes with its own issues so not issues I guess that’s probably the wrong words but it comes with a lot of responsibility and a lot of stress and so at the time I was probably somebody who kept themselves incredibly busy so as to not deal with any type of parts or anxiety so I just kept going and going and going and obviously after the death of my dad and having to come home from Australia and stuff like that did obviously affect me,

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but I was so busy in changing career. I just wasn’t really focused on how I was really feeling. So when I opened the business then, I had all of this other huge responsibility and I found that my mental health was being really affected by it.

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And I went through a really period of time in my life that I suffered from panic attacks and I was diagnosed with depression and I went through a really, really tough time. And again, I was using exercise as a way to kind of manage my anxiety and depression, but unfortunately at one stage I got so bad that I couldn’t even go to work and I had to take a bit of time off work and exercise was probably the furthest thing for my mind at that time.

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Now I did go and get the help that I needed and I had an amazing therapist and he helped me through that tough time. But again, exercise when I got a little bit better again became this huge. part of my life that helped me manage my anxiety and deal with my depression.

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And, you know, I now shout it from the rooftops because I think especially these days people are suffering so bad with their mental health with all of these lockdowns and everything else. And, you know, exercise can really, really help with that.

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And, you know, I think social media can be blamed for a lot of things, you know, when people think of exercise or think of getting fit or they look on social media and think, oh my God, I have to do a triathlon to be fit or I have to do, you know, a weightlifting competition or whatever.

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And actually you don’t, you know, exercise for everybody is so different. Being fit for everybody is so different. And just like a tiny little bit of movement every morning, whether it be a stretch or whatever, can actually really benefit you physically and mentally.

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So, yeah, so I’m a huge, obviously advocate for exercise for mental health now more so than ever. And I’m always very open and honest and honest with my own battles with it because I think, you know, it’s very easy to look at somebody and think, oh, they have it all together or, you know, and especially with social media.

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So that’s why I never shy away from explaining to people my own battle with it. Now, last year during the first lockdown, I had decided that I was going to come off of it. I was put on antidepressants at that time when I had the six years.

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So last year during that first lockdown, I decided I was going to come off them. And I always laugh about this because my husband was like, are you sure? The whole world is going on antidepressants. You’re deciding to come off them.

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But actually for me, you know, I had two things in my life that caused me a lot of worry and anxiety. And one was owning a business. So that was closed. So I was like, okay, well, that’s closed. I don’t like to do about that.

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And then the other was my mom because she has really bad health. And I was so worried about her, but she was cocooning. And I thought, okay, well, these are the things that I’m telling myself caused me all this anxiety, they are out of my control now.

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So now I can focus on myself a little bit more and try and sort this out. So obviously with my doctor’s help I we I weaned off the antidepressants but again I came back to exercise and that kind of helped me so much during those days.

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That was really scary you know for me and yeah I think I’m proud to say now we’re a year on and I’m completely off my antidepressants and I’ve never felt better. That’s amazing. Yes thank you. Not just exercise, a lot more went into it than just that but it was definitely a huge factor that helped me along the way.

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So yeah yeah. Absolutely amazing. Have all the times decided to do it as well? No I know and I actually took back up running after 10 years because again being influenced by my dad being a marathon runner when he passed away of motor neurons disease I decided to run the marathon in 2009 and traumatized me, so I didn’t run for 10 years.

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I was like, I’m not a runner, I’m not really close to that, but when I was coming after the antidepressants and obviously been in the lockdown and I just had another baby and I just wanted to be outside, I decided to take up running again and I had a little like goal of being able to run 5k.

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Now I still only run 5k and even if I’m parked further away, I stop at 5k. Don’t love running that much to be running anymore with that, but it’s actually my time to be in nature. I listen to a podcast, you know, and I really enjoy it, but yeah, and it’s more a mental health tool than anything else.

Unknown speaker

Yeah, that could be one of any marathons anytime soon. That’s amazing. I love that you’re still stopping 5k. Oh yeah, no matter where I am, I stop dead. Like that’s not done, it’s not welcome. When you were a child growing up, did you find that then that’s when you first realized kind of an exercise to be sort of to go to state for your mental health or was it when you got that bit older?

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You know what, like when I think back, I was a child that suffered with, I was extremely shy and I suffered with anxiety from a very, very young age and I guess I probably didn’t realize the effect that the exercise was having on me until later on, you know, until I got into my adulthood.

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But yeah, I grew up a very anxious child and that carried on over into my adulthood and obviously back then, back then, which is where I was like 70 or something, but you know, 20 odd years ago. It wasn’t spoken about.

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It wasn’t spoken about, you know, and people would have described me like people in my family were like, oh, she’s just a warrior, you know, she’s just this, but it was actually a disorder that I had that wasn’t really dealt with and unfortunately and end up then in having a breakdown.

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But yeah, it probably wasn’t until later on into my adulthood that I realized, oh God, when I exercise, it makes me feel good, you know. and that’s why I want everyone to feel good, you know, that’s why I love it so much, yeah.

Unknown speaker

It’s brilliant the way you have that kind of correlation between mental health and physical exercise as opposed to enough at the time when you go on the likes of social media, it is very much people are just, they do exercise and food as a punishment almost.

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Oh yeah, 100% and it’s something that I’m trying to change, you know, for me when I deal with clients, especially when it comes to nutrition, I always say to people, you know, you’re either eating to comfort yourself, you’re eating to punish yourself, you know, and we forget that we actually need to just give us energy.

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That’s why you eat, it gives you energy, it helps your mood, it helps you sleep, but we don’t ever look at food in that way. So for me, when I look at my food, and I really felt this last year coming off the antidepressants, was that if I didn’t eat properly and if I didn’t eat proper nutritious meals, it made me feel bad because I wouldn’t have the energy to do all the things that I needed to do in a day.

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I mean, everybody is so busy. We’re all busy. I’ve had two small kids. I like to exercise. I was trying to create an online business. So I needed energy in order to be able to do all of those things.

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So if I don’t feed myself properly, I get anxious because I’m tired. So I guess, again, I think people, I shouldn’t blame social media so much because I run my business from there, but again, I think there’s such like a negative, I guess, view on food when you look on social media.

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And really, when you think about it, we just eat for energy, basically. It’s also enjoyment, you know, but physically, we’re eating to give ourselves energy to do things, you know. So I love doing lots of research in and around like brain health, because unfortunately, not only did my dad pass away from motor neurons disease, he was actually diagnosed with Alzheimer’s at 54.

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So I know so people associate Alzheimer’s as a disease of age, but it’s actually just a disease of the brain. And obviously, being a boxer probably didn’t have all that situation. But I got hugely interested in brain health.

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And I think, again, we never look at food as fueling our brain. And our brain actually works really well off glucose than glucose we get from carbohydrates. And what’s the one thing that people go, oh, I’m having a healthy diet, I’m going to cut out all these carbs.

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And I’m like, oh, your brain likes carbs, we should eat carbs, you know. So again, for me, you know, making sure that I’m feeling my brain to do all of these things. that I wanted to do was hugely important.

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I remember going to a talk by Jerry Hussey a few years ago, he’s a sports psychologist and he spoke about playing health and he said, you know, if you were to take your brain out of your school and hold it in your hands, you treat it like a new baby, you’d nourish it and you’d talk nicely to it and you’d hydrate it and you’d exercise it.

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You’d do all of these amazing things to watch it grow. But yet we don’t do those things. We don’t give it the right food, we don’t exercise and then expect it to work at this really high level and we expect it to be then motivating and encouraging and, you know, you expect to not have brain fog and be able to make all these decisions but yet we’re not fueling it in the right way to do that.

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Well, very often we’re not feeling in the right way to do that. This must go back to, I know you’ve spoken previously about your gym was never kind of stereotypical sort of gym where you went in and it was a line of treadmills and the line of points.

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It was always very much more to feel that kind of something bigger, like a bit of a community sort of thing. Yeah. These must go back to that an awful lot, doesn’t it? Oh, yeah, 100 percent. Again, you know, for me, as I said, I was a really shy child growing up.

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Everyone laughs when I say that. Well, how do you know? And so for me, I understand completely how somebody feels when they first come to a gym. Like I feel vulnerable going to a gym and I’m a personal trainer, you know, because it seems like this big, bad, scary place.

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So for me, when I opened, when we opened the gym, I wanted people to come and feel absolutely safe, you know, that they were not going in there because you’re vulnerable when you’re first going to somewhere like that.

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You know, I used to actually meet people in the car park because I’d be like, just get to the car park. If you can get to the car park, I’ll get you through the doors and then you’ll see that it’s not this big, scary place.

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And we would really pride ourselves in, you know, knowing everybody that walks through the doors and making everybody feel comfortable. And, you know, the people are a little bit nervous and we try to kind of settle all of that.

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And then after a couple of weeks, you get lots of slagging and all of that kind of going on in the beginning. And then we are very conscious that people are, you know, feeling a bit vulnerable. So, yeah, it’s amazing that you say that as a personal trainer.

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Yeah, yeah. Like I never go to gyms, I was like, oh, no, I don’t want to go in there. But yeah, like I would feel that way. So, you know, I can and I like that, like I know how to exercise. So when somebody has never exercised before and they walk in somewhere, it can be a really scary place.

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So, yeah, it was it was a big priority of mine to not let people feel like that, you know. And you’re clearing an advocate for physical health and mental health. How would you encourage someone to get active if they aren’t interested?

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Yeah, so what, you know, it’s hard, it’s hard. I think it’s hard for someone. to make somebody do something that they don’t want to do. So when I meet people, I try to explain what exactly happens in our bodies when we exercise, or what exactly happens in our bodies when we eat a little bit better, and kind of back it up by all the science and the research, because I think that’s kind of really interesting concept,

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because I think an awful lot of the time people associate exercise and nutrition with weight loss, and it’s such a negative way to view exercise and good nutrition, because you’re not always wanting to exercise because you want to lose weight.

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Exercise can just make you feel good. So a thing that I kind of would say to people, think about the things that you enjoy in your life. If you were a little bit fitter and a little bit stronger, would you enjoy them a little bit more?

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So would that be playing with your kids? if you’re a little bit fitter, would that be a little bit easier, first of all? Would you enjoy it a little bit more? You know, is it doing your garden? Is it, I had a lady come to me that was in her 60s and never exercised before and she said, we just want to be able to clean my windows.

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You know, so that’s the kind of idea that I try to put into people’s heads. Think about things that you love to do and think about if you’re a little bit fitter, would you enjoy them that little bit more?

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And actually, you probably would, you know, and even if, even if it’s shopping, carry more shopping bags, you know, so you can walk around town a little bit more, you know, whatever it may be, but life can be that little bit easier when you’re a little bit fitter.

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So it’s trying to change the mindset of viewing exercise as just a tool for weight management and viewing it as a way to actually live life a little bit easier. So that’s kind of what I would say to people when they’re not motivated, but also to maybe then encourage a friend or a family member to get involved, like buddy systems work really well, because you might let yourself down, which won’t let someone else down.

Unknown speaker

That can be really good. And then maybe to find a personal trainer and, you know, have somebody that you’re going to be accountable to, you know, that you have to kind of meet every week. And eventually then when you start to feel the physical benefits of exercise, it will motivate you to do more, you know, when you start to actually feel that little bit better, when you have a bit of a pep in your step,

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I feel, then you’ll be, you know, you’d be more motivated to do it. Yeah, I suppose like anything as well, once you find that kind of, is it a personal trainer or a friend or anything, like find a little hairdresser, once you click with the person.

Unknown speaker

Yes, yes, click with the person and then find something that you enjoy. You know, don’t, you know, now, I’m always really cautious of saying that because you’re not always going to enjoy exercise, you know, because in the beginning it’s hard and you’re out of breath and it’s probably not, you’ve never experienced that before and you’re sore.

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But eventually, if you can focus on how you feel, afterwards like no one ever regrets regrets an exercise session like no one ever goes oh I’m raging I did that I feel you know you’re always gonna feel better so just remember that did others and but definitely not do something that you absolutely hate to do you know like me in the running okay that is it not more and not anymore do you think after having your own struggles and after struggling for so long and now we’re being around people that’s not the moment or previously being around people every day where they might come to try get those endorphins off and try make themselves feel about it do you think you’d be able to spot struggles in other people now oh like a hundred percent and like it I don’t know whether it is because I’ve gone through it myself but I literally feel it off people straight away like I can feel it and even if it’s that’s even if that’s true zoom I can feel it it’s mad because it’s I know most people will come to me because they think they want to fix the outside bit.

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And usually then after we have a consultation, I’m always a bit like, so my husband always likes me and he’s like, you’re the tear extractor. She’s in there, she’s had people crying again. So when somebody comes in to me, first of all, they’ll always talk about, well, I want to lose weight and I want to do this and I want to do that.

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And I’m going to, you know, and I ask certain questions and I’m like, how do you feel about yourself? What’s your relationship with yourself like? And they always get caught off guard, they’re like, oh, what do you mean?

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Like, you know, and that’s kind of how and I’m like, OK, well, why don’t we look at this a little bit differently? Why don’t we get you feeling a little bit better, feeling a bit stronger? Why don’t we think about how you’re treating yourself, what you’re saying to yourself and take it from there?

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And yeah, I can definitely like my therapist that I went to six years ago. And I loved him so much. I actually referred to like almost 50 clients to him. So, yeah, so I know. So I actually went on to study psychology myself afterwards because I did a full year.

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I toyed around with the idea of actually changing career because I felt like so many people needed more than just the exercise, you know, to mean that they needed to really, you know, do work on themselves.

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And so I did a year and then I kind of decided, no, I missed I missed the exercise too much. So I didn’t pursue. But it made me become a better personal trainer, I think, you know, because I was able to then not just advise people on my own experiences.

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And I was able to then, you know, I guess I could listen a little bit better. I could ask different questions. I could empathize more. You know, I during that year, I really learned how to not try to fix people.

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I had to just listen to them and don’t be always trying to advise, you know, so it’s actually it’s. it’s really you know helped me become a better personal trainer but yeah as you said I do I do tend to have this kind of radar and I’m like what’s really going on there which is amazing because then I can I can train people from a whole holistic point of view yeah and then hopefully that makes too many people great.

Unknown speaker

That’s brilliant though looking beyond the surface kind of thing and not just like a lot of gyms out there kind of just trying to see the bottom line trying to see that bit deeper kind of look at the person rather than yeah yeah yeah so I love to take people like sometimes I spend a whole hour talking to somebody because yeah make them cry but that’s what they need you know they need to figure out well what is it that I’m actually doing here you know do I really want that goal is that really how do I actually feel what what am I doing to myself you know so it’s figuring out all those things and then being able to set realistic goals in and around their lifestyle and and that’s how I I feel like I get.

Unknown speaker

better results from people because it’s more of an holistic standpoint. Definitely. That’s brilliant. Just kind of wondering as we’re chatting there, you talked a bit about the gym and about everything.

Unknown speaker

How have you managed through Covid? It’s been interesting. It’s funny because when the first lockdown happened, my little girl was only 12 weeks old and I had gone back to work after six weeks because owning your own business these are the type of things you have to do, unfortunately.

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I’m very grateful for the lockdowns because now I realize that that’s not what I want to be doing because I’ve just had a baby. It’s funny when you have your own business, it’s like you never stop, you never get time away and you always feel, well, maybe it wasn’t.

Unknown speaker

That is probably the pressure I put on myself to feel like I needed to be there all the time. I’m like, I think back. She was six weeks old. What was I thinking? But anyway, when she was 12 weeks old, we went into the first lockdown and I remember thinking to myself, oh my God, if I feel like this, my anxiety was through the roof.

Unknown speaker

I was like, imagine how everyone else was feeling. I feel like I’m a type of person that will talk about my anxiety, that I have gone to therapy, that I’ve no problem in bringing my therapist and making another appointment.

Unknown speaker

But I imagine that a lot of people were like, this was the first time that I felt this level of anxiety. And so I decided that I was going to do some free classes online. And it kind of started out as a bit of a joke, the first day and then like hundreds of people started to tune in.

Unknown speaker

So I did live classes every day for free for like a year, over a year. And yeah, I know. It’s like you don’t like making money. I know, like what is wrong with me? Yeah, and like the messages that I was getting from people going, oh my God, this has brought so much structure to my day.

Unknown speaker

Thank you so much. And so for me, that kind of drove me to keep going and keep going. Like at the end of the day, I felt like providing the service for somebody That was also helping myself, because obviously I was doing the classes as well.

Unknown speaker

That was helping with my anxiety. But then just being a part of the community and knowing that I was given back made me feel great about myself. It was all of that. I did that for over a year. Unfortunately, obviously, the business was closed for a very long time.

Unknown speaker

But then I set up an accountability program online. I started to do all of this nutrition online. My whole business and life has actually changed thanks to all these lockdowns. I now actually don’t go to the gym anymore.

Unknown speaker

I now base myself more online, and I just do person training and things like that. It’s been so interesting for me, because every in a million years, I ever think that this is how my career was going to go, and now it’s especially made me realize that what I was doing before.

Unknown speaker

wasn’t working for my family. And now I kind of prioritise my own time and my time with the kids a little bit more than what I was before. Because I think that we all just get so stuck in that rut of busyness, you know, and it’s so hard to actually come out of it.

Unknown speaker

But now that I’m out of it, I’m determined to not go back to that. So hopefully, please God. Can you tell us a bit more about your accountability program? It’s interesting to hear kind of people after COVID kind of taking something like a quarter bean, like I could have been an absolute disaster for yourself and your business and kind of make an lemonade out of lemons thing.

Unknown speaker

Yeah, I guess what happened was, you know, I’m obviously hugely interested in nutrition as well. And as I spoke to you about earlier on, you know, trying to encourage people to eat properly for their health and their energy and give them, you know, put them a better form, you know, yourself, if you’re hungry, you want to encourage people to eat for their mood as well.

Unknown speaker

And so during that very first lockdown, I kind of decided, okay, I need to control the controlable. So I wrote a list of things that make me feel happy and well. So apart from the usual children and my husband and all of that type of thing, it was, you know, other stuff apart from that.

Unknown speaker

So obviously, exercise is one of them. Getting out of nature was one of them. Doing some breath work was another one. But eating properly was another one. And so I started to kind of keep track of what I was eating and how it was affecting my mood, my sleep and my energy.

Unknown speaker

Because as I said to you earlier on, everybody is really busy. So even though I was in a lockdown, I was still doing that class every day and I still have two small children to look after. So I needed lots of energy.

Unknown speaker

So I noticed on the days that I didn’t eat properly or I didn’t feel myself, my anxiety was a lot worse. So I started to track my mood, my sleep, my energy, my food, how it was affecting me. And I just developed this whole accountability program for myself.

Unknown speaker

And so Then I kind of was like, well, if I feel accountable to myself and I’m starting to feel amazing, maybe I could help other people feel this way. So I just put it out there to my clients going, how would you like to kind of get involved with this?

Unknown speaker

And I actually just went from strength to strength. So a lot of people, unfortunately, view it as a weight loss program. Some people go in with the goal of weight loss, but after the four weeks, they end with a different goal because I’m on there every day going, think about your health, stop thinking about your weight loss.

Unknown speaker

You know, I want you to have a better relationship with food. I want you to not view food as the enemy. I want you to see that when you eat well, you feel good. And so by the end of the four weeks, most people are like, oh my God, I now just prioritize my health over weight loss.

Unknown speaker

I now realize that by eating well, I’m a much nicer person. I have more energy and I sleep better and everything is better. And so, yeah, it’s been going from strength to strength every month and I’m absolutely loving it.

Unknown speaker

That’s amazing. I suppose at the end of the day, we’re in this body for life, so you have to get to look after us. Yeah, 100%. And I think we forget all of that, you know, and again, it probably just goes back to having all these fad diets and, you know, weight loss programs and all of that.

Unknown speaker

And it’s just getting away from that. You know, I always say to people, if weight loss is the goal, I can definitely 1000% help you with that. Let’s switch the mindset to health and wellbeing first, and then get to the weight loss.

Unknown speaker

And, you know, I just say to my clients, imagine those pair of jeans that you want to get into. And imagine taking it a little bit longer to get into them. But imagine staying in them forever, ever and ever, never having to worry about it again, and then you just stay there.

Unknown speaker

And that’s it. Developed this amazing relationship with yourself and this amazing relationship with food. So yeah. Yeah, get into the bottom of why you need to get there. Yeah, that’s brilliant. Yeah, that’s brilliant.

Unknown speaker

And I suppose obviously you went through there and like your relationship, exercise, relationship with food and everything like that as someone that has struggled with mental health in the past, what else do you do to kind of to maintain your mental health to a positive level and look after yourself on a day to day basis?

Unknown speaker

Yeah, so really interesting, Michelle, because even though I obviously went to therapy for a very long time, because as I said, I love my therapist so much, she used to be like, we’re not friends, like stop buckling with me.

Unknown speaker

I just I loved how he made me understand why I was the way that I was, why I was anxious, why I acted in certain ways or why I didn’t do things. And, you know, it was a lot to do with myself limiting beliefs.

Unknown speaker

And I was so interested in all of that. So I kept going back, what about this? What about that? And, you know, and I just think that people don’t have to go to therapy because something traumatic has happened in their lives, although something traumatic has happened in everybody’s life, you know, at the moment, but you can you can just go to have a better relationship with yourself, you can just go to be a better person.

Unknown speaker

just go to understand your emotions. Like for me that was huge to understand why am I sad? Why am I happy? Why am I angry? Why am I frustrated? And being able to understand that and then get better at it.

Unknown speaker

So during that first lockdown when I came off my antidepressants, I was so determined to not be depressed and not be sad that I almost felt like if I was sad at any stage I was somehow failing. So I decided then that I needed a little bit more help because I was like okay you know it is a normal human emotion to feel sad.

Unknown speaker

I shouldn’t be afraid of it. you know, she’d be able to feel sad and then get over it, you know. And so I reached out to a really good friend of mine who does this like emotional release therapy. And so I started some sessions with her.

Unknown speaker

So basically, we would do some meditation, we would do some visit visualization. She would really question what I was actually feeling in that moment. You know, was I feeling angry while I was feeling that way and we would release the emotion and I found it really beneficial.

Unknown speaker

So I did a little bit of that, a little good bit of that actually. But I also then started to do some breath work. And I find breath work has been so beneficial to me because you can do it at any time of the day, you know, you don’t have to lie down or do anything, just do it at your desk.

Unknown speaker

And I love science. So I loved all the scientific research into what taking deep breaths does for you. So basically sends a signal to your brain to tell your brain that everything is okay. So we have two central nervous systems.

Unknown speaker

So your first one is your fight or flight. So this was our central nervous system for when we were back as cavemen. And if you’re going to fight a beast, or you’re going to run away, or what you’re going to do.

Unknown speaker

So we have this fight or flight response. But unfortunately, the way in which we live our lives these days, a lot of us are in that fight or flight. So we’re in that level of stress all of the time. And we don’t do anything with it.

Unknown speaker

And what happens then is that upsets all of the other systems in our bodies. So the other systems in our bodies don’t work as well. So digestion doesn’t work. Immune system doesn’t work. Our sex hormones don’t work, as well as they should.

Unknown speaker

And it can cause lots and lots of different diseases and disorders if it’s not treated. And also depression and anxiety disorders. So that’s our fight or flight central nervous system. Our parasympathetic nervous system is a nervous system that when we are calm, and we’re relaxed, our bodies can do what it’s supposed to do.

Unknown speaker

This is the nervous system that we’re supposed to be in most of the time, that we’re not. So by actually taking deep breaths. it’s been scientifically proven that your body can go from the fight-or-flight into the parasympathetic nervous system just by taking deep breaths.

Unknown speaker

So I just find that so fascinating because you can do that at any time of the day. So for me, if I feel a little bit overwhelmed, it literally just take a few moments. It gives you clarity, it makes you not overreact, it just calms your calms yourself down.

Unknown speaker

So yeah, it’s an amazing tool. I also tried to do it before, I know this sounds crazy, but before I eat because if you’re in that fight-or-flight central nervous system when you eat, you don’t digest your food properly.

Unknown speaker

So people have digestion issues, IBS, all of this type of stuff. So I don’t do it all the time because with two small kids and a business and everything, I’m usually just running around and shoving food in here, there and everywhere.

Unknown speaker

But at dinner time, I try to make it my business to be like, okay and calm it all down and just eat your dinner and absorb all these amazing nutrients that you need for your body and brain to work properly.

Unknown speaker

So yeah it’s an amazing tool and I definitely think it’s something that you know people can use. Yeah because you previously spoke about basically with all the kind of self-care and everything out there you could almost make a full-time job out of just looking after yourself.

Unknown speaker

I always joke with my clients saying if you were to do all the self-care tasks that social media would believe that you should be doing, you never sleep, should we ever go to sleep? So again I think this goes back to writing down things that make you feel happy and well and kind of sticking to those things.

Unknown speaker

So again for me my number one self-care task is to eat properly because I know when I don’t I feel bad because I don’t have any duty to do what I want to do. So for me that’s it’s food but also you know exercise and getting out nature with the breathing and more recently I’ve started to do meditation and so I wanted to meditate for years because I was like Oprah meditates it has to be good for you.

Unknown speaker

I mean come on you know if Oprah’s doing it we all should be doing it but I couldn’t do it because I couldn’t I thought that you had to have no thoughts and I’m like oh my god my brain never stops thinking like I’m never going to be able to do this and so I started to just YouTube how do I do this properly and actually what it is is you’re just not supposed to have an emotional response to the thought so you just acknowledge if the thought is there but then go back to your breath and you know get on with the meditation and for me it’s after the meditation is when I probably feel my best because again it brings you into that piracy and that nervous system that we spoke about calming everything down so after I meditate I feel better mentally and physically because I’m a little bit more calm.

Unknown speaker

So this morning for example I had a really bad night’s sleep last night because I was really worried about ridiculous. I changed an email system and I sent an email I didn’t go and did it and I was anyway I was really worried that clients might weren’t getting this email for a class that I was doing this morning and then unfortunately my mom was really unwell so last night I didn’t sleep properly and I got up at six and I came downstairs and I meditated for like just five minutes going a really busy day today I’m meditating for energy and it just made me feel better because I could have gotten up going oh my god I didn’t sleep and I’m so busy today and instead I meditated calmly sometimes like you’ve got this and you know I went every day so yeah.

Unknown speaker

I’ve tried to get into meditation a few times and I remember one time it was back when we were back in the office and I was saying this in the office and to Dina she’s an Orwellian director and I was just kind of like when I try to meditate an Indian pot’s come in and I just can’t and she was kind of like yeah that’s normal.

Unknown speaker

Anybody will have pots it’s just how you kind of deal with them. She’s meditating daily. I’d still get pots. I was in my mind, I was kind of thinking, God, you’re sitting there. You’re supposed to be like, you know, your legs cross.

Unknown speaker

Why can’t I do that? I know a hundred percent. And, you know, I always talk to my clients about this as I go, even if you weren’t to meditate, even meditate, even if meditation is not your thing. Again, I love science.

Unknown speaker

So I love the scientific research that’s been done on meditation. And basically it’s because you’re trying to go back into this parasyme to the nervous system state so that you’re at rest and you’re calm and the system, your body, you’re doing what they’re supposed to do.

Unknown speaker

But very often I’d say to my clients, you know, you know, mindfulness is such a big buzzword these days. So, you know, it’s useless telling somebody that’s absolutely stressed out with their mind to just be mindful, like, like how annoying is that?

Unknown speaker

So, but for me, I would practice mindfulness actually in the shower. So in the nighttime, I have a shower at nighttime before I get into bed. And I just remind myself that I’m about to get into bed and it’s time to, I’m not going to do everything that I was going to do that day or didn’t get that done.

Unknown speaker

I’m not going to do everything that I’m supposed to be doing tomorrow that I’m supposed to be now trying to relax and get ready for bed and get into bed in a more relaxed state. So I practice mindfulness in the shower, but you could also meditate in the shower.

Unknown speaker

So yeah, it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s trying to, it’s trying to just calm your mind down before you get into bed. And it’s, it’s actually works really, really well. But yeah, all my clients laugh at me when I say that, I’m mindful in the shower.

Unknown speaker

Probably the only time of the day, yeah, I thought I might be, be surprised. But mindful, I suppose, in essence, it’s just about thinking about what you’re doing and kind of taking it back and on stuff.

Unknown speaker

But if you’re not, if you’re in the shower and you have the couple and then it’s why not? Well, you know yourself, you’re in the shower and you’re having all these arguments with people that you’re never going to have very much with, I should have tried this, like that, you know, and why do you drive yourself insane, you know, just being there going, ah, you know, take the moment.

Unknown speaker

Yeah, I suppose, Kelly, that kind of brings us to the end of today. I think we’ve kind of run through everything that we wanted to run through plus more and I have to say it was absolutely lovely talking to you today, I really enjoyed it.

Unknown speaker

Thank you, thanks so much Michelle, I loved it, I absolutely loved it. I hope now people get something from that, you know, especially if people are feeling overwhelmed, you know, with the lockdowns and everything else and they don’t know where to start, if they wanted to, you know, start out on a healthy journey, you know, write it down.

Unknown speaker

I find like that people just think that they want something but they don’t really, you know what I mean? Like I have done this myself a thousand times and gone, this is my goal but then I’m over here doing this sort of thing that has nothing to do with my goal and then wonder why I’m not getting there, you know, so write it down and be like, what’s going to make me feel good about myself?

Unknown speaker

What is exactly that I want to do? What are the behaviours that I would have to change in order to get there? And if that feels too much, then it probably is too much, you know, and strip it back and just take small baby steps every day, you know, taking things back and taking things slower doesn’t give you instant gratification, but if you stick with it and you’re consistent, it will suddenly become your way of life and that’s when you’ll get the gratification from it.

Unknown speaker

So yeah. That’s amazing. Lots of new takeaways at the end. Yes. It’s always good to know what’s something simple to start with because sometimes everything’s too much. Too much, yeah. And everything is too much anyway all the time with life, isn’t it?

Unknown speaker

So it’s just stripping it back and being clear in your intentions, I suppose, you know. Yeah, definitely. Kelly, thank you so much for joining us today. It was a pleasure to chat to you. Thank you to Kelly for joining us.

Unknown speaker

The story is inspiring and how she came so far to get something so positive from her dark place. And thank you for listening to another episode of Zito Jobs.