The stigma & myths around men’s mental health

Speaker 1

Hello there and welcome back to Zevo Talks. My name is Ann Gleason, delighted to be here with you today and hope that you’re well and looking after yourself. Today, we’ll be talking about a topic that has gained more awareness of late but still is something that can be difficult to feel at ease with for some. And this is the topic of men’s mental health.

Now, if this is something that you are feeling a little bit uncomfortable with as a man or you’re feeling a little bit nervous about talking about all the more reason to sit and to listen and acknowledge all the different parts of the experience of men’s mental health.

First things first, it is vital, even if it is difficult to talk about mental health for men, it’s so, so important for us to have these conversations and to have these discussions. Now, on a very serious note, suicide rates for men are significantly higher than women in different countries like Ireland, in the UK, Scotland, Wales and beyond. So it really is something that needs our attention.

It needs our focus. And while it might be difficult for us to acknowledge these kinds of stats or to think about these things that can cause discomfort and distress, that’s even more reason as to why we need to have these conversations, create more awareness and normalise the conversation as well around a man’s mental health.

So to start then, why has it been so difficult or why is it so difficult for men to have these conversations about their mental health? So to start then, why is it so difficult? Why has it been so difficult so far for men to have these conversations around mental health? Well, you know, like it’s a complex situation.

It’s something that is built up in lots of different ways, lots of layers to peel back. So that’s what we’re gonna do right now. First of all, to look at what it means to be a man. I mean, this is such a broad statement, such a vague kind of a statement. And it can be something that comes about from lots of different parts of our experience, both in our own lifetime and generationally as well.

So, you know, we’re dealing with a lot when it comes to traditional gender roles. So what it means to be the right kind of man or a good man. There might be different kinds of learning that have been passed down through the generations. And it might be something that is quite antiquated.

It might be something that is very difficult for us to maintain or to even feel that it resonates with us, depending on the type of person that we are. And it might be something that is quite limiting as well. You know, we are very aware of that phrase, toxic masculinity. So this is something that we have to contend with as well in our current world.

And, you know, let out a big sigh here, that the Andrew Tates of the world are not helping this matter in any shape or form, but it is something that we need to be mindful of when it comes to the experiences that men have and the connection with these experiences with mental health and the view of mental health.

Speaker 1

So let’s just say we are in a position where we’ve been taught down through the generations that to be a man, you have to be strong, you have to be the breadwinner, you have to be never phased by anything, you have to be tough. In certain circumstances, you have to be aggressive or perhaps violent.

And let’s say you’re the kind of person that is more sensitive, you’re more considered, you’re more introverted, let’s say. So this is something that’s gonna really affect your own experience when it comes to what it means to be a man, and in turn, then, what it means to link in with your own mental health.

Alongside with that, a huge part of checking in with our mental health and maintaining that kind of consistency or that focus on our mental health is emotional intelligence. So what that is, is basically identifying our emotions, assessing what’s happening within our emotional experience and managing them. Now, just to say, this doesn’t mean that managing means suppressing the emotions.

No, it’s just about making space to create that self-awareness and to give ourselves opportunities to process what’s happening, to respond rather than reacting. So, In a stereotypical kind of a sense there are certain emotions that are good and certain emotions that are bad when it comes to the male experience. So perhaps this experience might be familiar to you as well.

Emotions like anger will stereotypically be accepted as something that is available to a man or that is accessible to a man. On the other hand, let’s say sadness or vulnerability or sensitivity might be certain emotions that are frowned upon or are kind of not really acceptable as part of the male experience.

So something to look at there when it comes to what our own teachings have been, what our own experiences have been and the notion of emotional diversity. So what’s available to us within our emotional experience should be everything because all emotions have their place, they’re all coming, they’re all going.

But if we have built up this idea of the right way to be a man and the wrong way to be a man, and this is concerned with being able to access certain emotions, then we’re limiting ourselves. Then we’re channeling all our emotional experience into certain emotions like anger and frustration while we should have access to all of them.

And actually it’s vital that we have access to all of them so that we can express ourselves in a healthy way so that we can process what’s happening for us and that we can really kind of maintain that emotional intelligence for ourselves. Another aspect of men’s mental health will be potential shame around acknowledging the idea or the notion of mental health.

And so a certain phrase always sticks out to me, which I’ve heard many times and you might be familiar with it as well, which is don’t be emotional. And I have to sort of laugh at times or smile at the notion of being emotional as being something that is negative or that is frowned upon or unacceptable. Whereas we’re human, we’re alive, we’re going to be emotional.

Speaker 1

So it’s important for us to link that in with the emotional diversity piece, but also to link it in with the ridiculousness of a statement like that, to be able to connect that with the kind of pressures that can be on men and the kind of pressures that can be on this kind of nitpicking of certain emotions that are available or that are acceptable within the male experience.

If we’re not allowing ourselves to tap into all of these different emotions, then there’s going to be difficulty within kind of internal tension, with suppression, with acting out, with snapping, all of these different things that can come about when we’re not allowing ourselves to express our own legitimate, valid emotions in the right way.

Another thing that can be linked into that shame piece when it comes to men’s mental health is the stigma around it. So perhaps any kind of conversations around mental health will have gotten laughs, will have gotten jokes, will have gotten noses turned up and all that kind of stuff.

And when we are in any kind of collective and that’s the response or that’s the group dynamic when it comes to a topic like men’s mental health, that’s going to be damaging to us. That’s going to impact us in a negative sense, of course it would, how could it not, if we think about the kind of collectives that we have been a part of through all our lives.

So we’re talking about the home environment, we’re talking about caregiver relationships, we’re talking about friend circles, school, college, different workplaces, all that kind of stuff. It’s really useful for us to have a look at what that, what the dynamic was within those collectives and what it felt like for us. Were we able to be ourselves? Were we able to be authentic?

Could we be vulnerable or was it a case that we were assigned this stereotypical male process or male experience and we were kind of held behind those barriers within that. It is something that is important to be acknowledged so that we can shed a bit of light on it and be able to step away from it and to be able to create more options for ourselves.

There are a number of ways in which we can do that, but it is something that needs addressing because if we’re not addressing the systems or the collectives that we have been a part of both from a personal perspective and from that wider cultural perspective, then we need to be taking these steps away from these collectives.

In order to do this, we have to acknowledge that they’re there in the first place. We have to acknowledge that they were present and that they are present in the moment as well so that we can create that knowledge, that we can deepen that understanding of what may have led to these different kinds of shame pieces or these stigmas.

Speaker 1

And of course, it can be difficult for us to even address something like this if it has been normalized over time.

If something has been part of our lived experience for so long, if it’s coming down through the generations, if there are those stereotypes that have been part of any kind of collective that we’ve been in, any kind of environment, any kind of setting, then it will be difficult for us to acknowledge the problematic nature of them.

But it really is vital that we do that for ourselves in order to guide ourselves towards more of an available space when it comes to men’s mental health, to talk about these things, to open up about them, and to step back from what are known as the shoulds, I should be better at this, I shouldn’t be bothered by this thing, I should be more of a man.

Just to note that you are exactly as you need to be, that’s the thing. You are just as much of a man, whatever your personality, whatever your characteristics outside of what that kind of cliche or that stereotype is of what it means to be a man. You have whole worth and you have whole value as well, just as you are. And you absolutely are good enough just to note that.

Speaker 2

Here at Cevo Health, we have designed a training to shine a light on various important aspects of the male experience, particularly from the point of view of mental health and emotional well-being. This session explores the untouchables, the emotions that often carry very negative connotations for men, those that may consciously or unconsciously steer away from for fear of being mocked.

Your employees will also come away with a deeper understanding of positive skills and qualities men can develop to foster authentic relationships. Contact us today to inquire about the men’s mental health training for your organization.

Speaker 1

Okay, so when it comes to the process of opening up this conversation, when it comes to the process of supporting ourselves, supporting others, there’s a number of things that we have to look at with regard to present behaviour and when it comes to new opportunities and when it comes to new choices, new decisions that we need to make.

We need to be mindful of a couple of different things, so our own behaviour when it comes to dealing with our own mental health and when it comes to looking at mental health from that wider perspective. So whether it is our own issues or whether it is having these conversations, are we sweeping these things under the carpet?

When we’re feeling something like sadness, like anxiety, like stress, like grief and especially if we’re feeling something that we think that we shouldn’t because if I was an air quote, real man, then I wouldn’t feel like this, then I would be able to solve this, to deal with this. Are we sweeping that stuff under the carpet?

Because there is that phrase, what we resist persists from a holistic viewpoint to be able to acknowledge. The next thing we need to do is address what’s happening for us and then we can take action. Then we can take those steps in order to guide ourselves, to help ourselves, whatever that means for you.

And if you are in that position where, let’s say from that wider perspective when it comes to the conversations around men’s mental health, that you find that you are sweeping all that stuff under the carpet or you’re making jokes or you are, let’s say, turning your nose up at it for some reason, no judgment, you know, we are a product of our environment and we are a product of everything that we have learned and that we have experienced.

So we need to be compassionate with ourselves when we’re making changes within this setting. To be able to notice things, to be able to say, okay, I noticed that I find myself having to make jokes around this or I find myself not taking it very seriously or I find myself having a reaction to this experience. Whereas I would ideally like to have another different kind of a response to it.

Noticing that without judgment, without coming down hard on ourselves will make that way for taking that first step towards helping ourselves. So it is from those different perspectives, looking at our own personal experience, but looking at the concept of men’s mental health from that wider perspective as well. Another aspect of the experience of men’s mental health is how things are dealt with.

So there can often be a situation whereby men have a tendency to self-soothe or to self-medicate when it comes to issues around emotional experience or issues around mental health.

Now, there are certain things that are in place that can be good for us, whether that is exercise or creativity, but there can be some different kinds of behaviors like using substances like drugs or alcohol that men may move towards because there might be that shame and because there is that stigma around approaching men’s mental health and dealing with men’s mental health.

Speaker 1

But just to note that again, this is not something that you need to be judgmental or to be nasty to yourself over. All we want to do within the situation is to open ourselves up to more options, to more opportunities. And the idea is to go from isolation to connection. So thinking about what your own support network is like.

Now, just to note, with any kind of consideration around a support network, It’s quality over quantity all the way. So, you know, we don’t need to have loads of different names in our contact list in the phone. We need to have different things set up. So people, places, support services that are in that support network that all play their part.

So whether that is a partner, whether that is a trusted friend, a loved one, a mental health professional or different kinds of coping strategies that can be healthy and that can reinforce our own self confidence and our own self-awareness, then there are great things to look at. When we’re thinking about building that support network, start small and work your way up through that.

But it is something to be looked at when it comes to that process of opening up. Is that something that you find difficult? Is it something that you think that you should have a handle on yourself? It’s good for us to be able to recognize these types of thought processes that we may have if we’re being tough on ourselves, if we feel that it’s wrong or unacceptable to look to others for help.

This is this is the way we’re made. We’re social animals. We’re built to connect. We’re built to get acceptance and we’re built to move within collectives as well. So really, if you are having a difficult time, know that it is completely normal for this to happen, completely natural. And it’s OK.

The long and the short of it is that we will all experience something that is difficult in our lives, we’ll all experience challenges.

But if we’re not allowing ourselves to acknowledge them or we’re telling ourselves that we shouldn’t feel a certain way or we’re taking on that shame that might come from the stereotypical idea of what it means to be a man, then it’s really important for us to open up new avenues for ourselves to be able to connect with others, to be ourselves, to have that authenticity within that space.

So for yourself, if you are thinking of opening up these avenues for yourself and you’re dealing with that shame and you’re dealing with that stigma, all we need to look at is the first step.

So whether that first step is acknowledging what’s happening for you, allowing yourself to have emotional diversity and knowing that, you know, if in the past you’ve been told that it’s OK to be angry and it’s OK to be aggressive, but nothing else, allowing yourself to see how it would feel to let yourself feel sad, to let yourself feel anxious, to let yourself feel vulnerable as well and sensitive and to know that there is no one size fits all when it comes to being a man.

Speaker 1

We may have been taught these things down through the years and there may be those, like I say, those antiquated ideas about the male experience. But if there are so many people around the world, if we think about that for a minute, there are so many different people and everybody’s lived experience is unique. Everybody’s, you know, their personality, their characteristics, they’re unique to them.

So how could there possibly be one right way to be a man? So whatever makes up your own individual, unique, wonderful personality, your qualities, your quirks, your characteristics, all of them are good enough and you have that full worth and you have that full value just as you were.

So if you’re taking those steps and you’re taking that first step, see how it feels to reach out to one person that you trust and see how it feels to open up that conversation about your mental health with somebody that you you trust and you have a good relationship with and that you care for. There are a number of different aspects of that support network as well.

Maybe that is a mental health professional. So reaching out to somebody, maybe that is connecting with like minded people. Maybe that is tapping into the different parts of yourself that make you unique. These are all different things that are really useful for us. And all of these have their place when it comes to tackling, let’s say, shame and tackling stigma.

So it is something that’s really important to have a conversation around. And it is something that’s really important for us to take that step. If there is difficulty within taking that first step, that’s all right. Just acknowledging that there is a difficulty there. But knowing that the more that we can build that awareness, the more that we can build that familiarity within ourselves.

So like I say, from that personal perspective, but also from that wider perspective as well, the more that we’re able to do that gradually, the more that we will be able to look after ourselves in a meaningful way and in an appropriate way. Okay. That’s it for me. Thank you so much for listening. For more information, go to ZevoHealth.com. In the meantime, take care of yourself and talk soon.